Browsing articles from "10 月, 2004"
10 月
21
2004

MOS 星座派對

●所有Ministry of Sound Taipei VIP會員10月23日當晚11點前出示會員卡可攜伴二人免費入場

●所有Ministry of Sound Taipei家族卡會員10月23日當晚11點前出示家族卡可攜伴一人免費入場

●10月23日當晚11點以後只招待Ministry of Sound Taipei VIP會員及家族卡會員本人免費入場

●另外,Ministry of Sound Taipei熱情歡迎天蠍座朋友(23.10~21.11生日者)10月23日當晚憑身份證個人可享免費入場

:item2: 詳情請按此

10 月
21
2004

rrdtool 教學

什麼是 rrdtool 呢 ? 其實他和 mrtg 是同一家族,

主要都是在產生 time-series 的圖檔(如流量,負載,溫度,人數…..),

不過因為 mrtg 當初的考量是畫兩種資料在圖上(或四個值),後來原作者覺得不足,所以另外又開發了 rrdtool,

rrdtool 本身可和 mrtg 結合,但其結合基本上僅在於將 mrtg 的文字檔的log 轉成 rrd 儲存格式,

通常 user 尚需要 mrtg-rrd/rrdcgi 去轉換,不過總覺得美中不足,

因為最終其實你用到的還是 rrdtool,

雖然還有像 my14all (http://my14all.sourceforge.net/) 這類的 tools 可以轉換並畫圖,

但其追根究底 還是以 rrdtool 為 base, 所以 rrdtool 變成了最終也是最好的選擇。

:item2: rrdtool 教學

10 月
20
2004

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

FROM: MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In light of the increase in competitor activity and to assure highest

levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our

policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL

HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.)

We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If

you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please

see your manager.

You will be placed on the top of the S.H.I.T. list and managers are

especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you

can handle. Employees who don’t take S.H.I.T. will be placed in

DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to

EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don’t

have to take S.H.I.T. again. If you are already full of S.H.I.T.

you may be interested in training others. We can add your name

to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs,

and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING

(D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please direct them to our

HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank You,

BOSS IN GENERAL

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

10 月
20
2004

Stupid Questions with the smart answers

BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me…

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do u think,

Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”

Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

2) Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”

Pupil : “The moon”.

Teacher : “Why?”

Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

3) Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Pupil : “A teacher”.

4) Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”

Customer : “What other colors do you have?”

5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot !”

Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.

Teacher : “What do you mean?”

Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher”.

Teacher : “What about your mother?”

Sam : “She’s a woman”.

7) Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”

David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

8) Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”

Student : “Brotherly love”.

9) Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

10) Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”

Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

11) Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”

One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

12) Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”

One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

10 月
20
2004

「嘿咻」又叫做炒飯的原因

有一次男人要去美國,要半年才會回來。

臨走前,老婆就跟他說:

『老公!你出門在外這麼久,

有需要的話你可以找人幫你解決!』

他聽了非常感謝老婆如此體貼他,

所以也對老婆說:

「親愛的!如果妳也有需要的話,

妳也能找人解決,但我們約定,

每做一次就要放一顆米到玻璃瓶中。」

他給了老婆一個瓶子後就出門了。

一年後男人回來了,

一進門見到老婆便拿出他自己的玻璃瓶,

開心的對老婆說:

『老婆妳看,我只放了三粒米耶!』

他也要求老婆拿出她的瓶子,

老婆面有難色的拿了出來。

咦~裡面居然一粒米也沒有,

男人非常高興。

這時他家女傭端了一盤炒飯出來,

女傭說:

『少奶奶!家裡米缸沒米啦!

所以我把妳那瓶子裡的米都拿來炒啦…』